Golf Quotes Funny DefinitionSource(google.com.pk)
“Getting fed up with your shitty golf game…takes a couple weeks off, and then quit for good.”
-Local Golf Pro
“Golf is like a hot 17-year-old girl with big boobs. You know its trouble, but you just can’t keep away from her.”
-Avid golfer and statutory rapist
“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
“If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”
“After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.”
-Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent
“Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.” -
“Golf is not a game, its bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.”
“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.”
-Mac O’Grady, describing a typical round of golf
“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.”
“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”
-Unknown Golfing Poet
“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.”
-Anxious Working Man
“If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.”
-Every Golfer I Know
“The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.”
“It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl’s tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.”
“Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.”
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best
~ Jack Nicklaus
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
~ H G Wells
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
~ Bob Hope
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
~ Henny Youngman
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
~ Lee Trevino
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino